Road Blocks and Guilt

See what I’ve done to myself now

Sunday afternoon I threw my back out. Pulling laundry out of the hamper. I swear it wasn’t anything more exciting than that. Plus this is like the fourth or fifth time in my life that I have done this. And I’m 24 years old. Terrible right?

Well it seems that every time that I throw my back out it gets harder and harder to recuperate from it. And this time it’s the longest it’s ever been. It’s Wednesday and I’m still struggling but it is getting better every single day.

Of course this can’t come at a worse time for me personally. I’m trying to prepare for the holidays, working overtime at work, making new products for my shop and trying to make my products for the sales I’ve been making! Plus this time of year really tends to get me down for personal reasons I’m not going to air right now. I hope you all understand.

This also has been taking it’s toll on my writing. I have pretty much just been living in my bed and watching TV or reading after I get off work because it’s the only thing that can take my mind off the pain.

The guilt that I have been feeling lately is not helping either. I feel guilty because I psychically can’t do something or need help and it sucks. I know I shouldn’t because I can’t help it but I do. Thankfully my mom has been wonderful in helping me where she can with things to make it a little less but it still sucks not being able to do something.

I put so much on myself and try to put so little on to others that when I do need help because I’m in a position where I physically am incapable it brings me way way way down.

So I’m taking a few days and I’m going to rest and get better and help heal my body and mind. That way I can come back better for my work and hopefully come back with more new and great things.

Stay classy and sassy<3

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Happy Birthday!

My blog turns one!!!!

Yesterday (11/28) marked a full year of Collinswoah’s Corner!!! A FULL ENTIRE YEAR! I knew it was coming up but holy cow I didn’t think it was already here!!

Birthday cupcake

Collinswoah’s Corner has grown quite a bit in a year. It went from primarily being about nerdy things of all sorts to being more about my writing and sometimes my projects and crafts. I also went from a free site to a paid one all because I hit my view goal out of the park. Thank you guys.

This blog has also helped me grow as a person. It’s a huge step to take to put yourself out on the internet and share your personal writing. But hey, I’m doing it! Yay!

I have to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has ever visited this blog, everyone who will visit and everyone who continues to visit. You all mean so very much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Without you guys this blog would not be possible.

To say thank you even more I am having my biggest sale to date in my Etsy shop. Take advantage of 25% everything, including any custom orders I am able to do. Check out the sale here. The sale runs from 11/29/17-12/09/17.

Year one has been a HUGE success for Collinswoah’s Corner and I can’t wait to see what all happens in year two.

Thank you all with all my heart.

Stay classy and sassy<3

Realizations and Pep Talks

Lately I have been starting projects both writing and others but I can’t seem to finish any of them and I’ve been really thinking about that more than usual. I think it stems from my ramblings last week. I feel like lately I’ve been starting things and not finishing them more than ever before.

So why?

I guess one reason is that I just have too many ideas sometimes. Once I start getting an idea or I am in the creative zone it’s just one idea after another often times. I’m afraid that they’re going to get lost and disappear and be gone forever when that happens so I write them down as quickly as I can and as many of them as I can. I always tell myself I’ll come back to them but then I don’t more often than not…

But the bigger reason is fear. There are so many what ifs I have. Part of this whole process is learning and improving and just doing. That doesn’t erase that underlying fear though. I shouldn’t care about any negativity that I get. It’s all constructive (even when the party doesn’t intend it to be). I need to keep doing and keep going and not continue being so hard on myself. I know that I am my biggest critic and I know that I’m the one that’s hardest on myself. It’s okay to not like every single thing that I make. That’s why I can try again. But it’s also why I need to learn to listen to others feedback on my work because I might be blind and too hard on myself to see how it really is.

I also need to stop making excused and just keep going.

The biggest sufferer in all of this is my writing. I have started so many stories and just walked away.

So I’m going to stop making excuses.

And let’s start working on them. Together.

Stay classy and sassy<3

Jane Woodsley Returns!

Rough start to a new Jane story!

Hello wonderful people! I hope everyone is doing quite well.

So I know that I have not been spending enough time writing lately, especially not enough time writing anything more than poems when my true and real love is writing stories.

I thought I would change that. I have been trying to spend quite a bit of time to find inspiration in things to make the writing easier as well as flow a lot more and I think I found that. Remember my Jane story? The one that I posted about here, here and here? Well I started to work on a follow-up story with her because it felt like her journey wasn’t quite over. I began the story and abandoned it not long after because of school and work and loads of other things. In finding my inspiration for writing I found a prompt that fueled me with inspiration to write more of her story. So I’m going to share with you guys the really rough draft I have written so far for Jane’s next adventure:

Jane Woodsley jolts up in her bed in a cold sweat trying to get away from the dream she just shook herself from. You’re okay, she told herself, it was just a dream. You haven’t seen him in a few months and never will again. Jane got up from her bed and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Though the water helps, Jane still cannot quite get control of her breathing and looks at the clock, its 2:17 a.m., too late to call Amanda to help calm her down, though even if she could call her Amanda’d tell her the same thing she was always telling her lately, that it’s been months since her bad date with Richard, she needs to get over it and move on. She can’t let it haunt her so much. And Amanda was right, she should be over it by now but the date keeps haunting her every few nights and in her dream Jane finds herself on another date with Richard but this time unable to escape him.

Jane makes her way into the living room in search of her afghan that she’s been working on. She finds her work on the end of the couch, right where she left it. Jane curls up on the couch and starts crocheting, focusing on every stitch she makes, hoping it will calm her down. As she ends the gray stripe of what will be her blue and gray chevron afghan Jane lets her mind wonder and soon finds herself day dreaming about dating again. Jane had sworn off dating but after pretty much being holed up in her apartment for the last four months she misses the idea of enjoying dinner and the company of a man.

#

I’m a little stuck for what exactly should unfold. I don’t want Jane going on another date from Hell with another crazy man because, I’ve already done that. But I would like to see Jane go on some more dates, some bad, some okay and then find a man. Of course Amanda needs to be involved, maybe double date, I don’t know for sure. But I would like to see Richard re-surface. Though the girls got away in Jane’s last story, he’s too crazy and over powering to just be gone. That’s definitely not Richard style.

Who knows. I just am stuck with this right now. The ideas and thoughts are there but to write them out and in story format, they’re not there. I will continue to work on this project with you all as well as my other story I started. I’m excited to see what unfolds and how these stories shape and form for you all.

Any feedback is appreciated!

Stay classy and sassy<3

 

Change

Enjoy another poem.

Hello guys!

I wrote another poem. Such a surprise right? Nope. Not at all. Here it is:

Change.

Sometimes I’m aware its happening

Other times I’m oblivious.

But regardless I’m always patient.

Biding my time

Being understanding

When all I actually want to do is

Scream, shout, yell.

Tell things to stop. To stay the same or go back to how they were.

I’m not ready for it.

I don’t want it.

And yet,

It happens.

Things change.

And I’m still here;

Being patient,

Understanding,

And trying to make the best of it.

#

Okay, so I wrote this for so many different reasons and things and I want it to stay that way. To stay vague.

So I won’t comment on it too much or expand on my thoughts when writing it because I don’t want to take away from the beauty that it is with how it can be applied to so many specific things as well as broad and generic ideas.

Hope you enjoyed it. It felt good to get out.

Love you guys.

Stay classy and sassy like always.

My heart is so full yet so empty.

Feeling emotional, trying to get some of it out.

Hello guys.

I have been sitting here. Looking at my screen for the past hour. Trying so desperately to find the words to create what I want to say. What I’m feeling and wanting to get across. But I can’t. I have written words and deleted words over and over. And this was the best I could come up with to express everything that I’m feeling:

You are a part of everything that I write,

Everything I imagine,

Everything I create.

You’ve become such a part of me, my soul, who I am.

I am beyond grateful to know you.

Beyond blessed for how you inspire me.

How I have changed for the better because of you.

Words will never describe how I feel about you,

But thank you for all that you are to me.

#

And then I also wrote:

Life is way too short;

Unfortunately I’ve learned that far too much in the past few weeks.

So forgive if I hold on a bit tighter, a bit longer.

I apologize if I check in with you more than you think I should.

I just want to know from now on that I’ve done everything that I can,

And I have less regrets with friendships,

I can’t take much more of the heartache knowing I should and could’ve done more.

Just know it’s all out of love.

Because I love you.

Always have.

Always will.

#

My heart hurts but yet it is full. Full of hope. Full of love. Full of so many things. It hurts for others and myself. It hurts because of the unknown. Because of so many things. I just needed to get some of it out. Somehow. Any way. And this is what I got. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope it helps. You, me, anyone.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3

 

Whole

More poetry FTW!

Hello guys! Happy Monday!!

So I’m going to share another poem with you guys. Surprise there! 😛

I’ve been on a roll lately with the poetry and I’m super proud of it.

Especially because, believe it or not, I have never been into poetry. Never really enjoyed it, both reading or writing it. And I never thought of myself to be good at writing it. Not that I think I’m all that great at it now. Some pieces are definitely better than others but I love them all. And I love that I have evolved as a writer. Whether you guys can actually see that or not. Probably not yet at least.

Now enough rambling. Here she is:

I was holding on for so long.

Longer than I should have.

But I let go.

I’ve grown so much since then.

Become so much stronger,

Happier,

Better.

But I can’t help and feel like I’m missing a part of myself.

I don’t miss who I was then.

I don’t miss you.

I just miss feeling whole,

Complete,

Full.

#

Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t target towards a single person. I was inspired by how I’ve been feeling lately. By lots of people and things. Any great friendship or relationship you really give a part of yourself to that person and once it goes south it’s a struggle to get it back, if ever.

Stay classy and sassy<3