Desire (WIP)

I know I said I would get into my time off more in detail but I’ve been finding it difficult to find the right words to articulate what I’m exactly trying to say and have come across. So that is coming. It’s just a work in progress.

However, I’ve been feeling the poetry bug lately. So I wanted to share one that I’m happy with how it’s turned out so far.

I have all these things I want to try,

To accomplish,

To do.

I take steps forward to try.

Small steps.

But that’s when the anxiety creeps in;

“They’ll make fun of you. You’re not good enough. Do you really know how? Do you actually have the time? The drive? Are you skills good enough? Do you have the right stuff?”

These thoughts pull me down.

Quickly snuffing out the fire of any desire I once had.

Not even letting it catch to let it start to blaze within me.

And so I’m left with the same routine.

Doing the same things day in and day out.

What happened to trying? What happened to pushing? What happened to just doing?

What happened to me? When did I change? Where did the person I know go?

 

I hope to find her again.

To let the desire catch and burn, letting nothing stand in it’s way.

#

It’s a little all over the place but the idea is there. I just need to work on getting it more together to flush it out even more. Considering it’s my first poem since I decided to first take my break, I’m proud of it. Sharing what you write is incredibly raw and emotional. It’s hard. But there’s something different about sharing a work in progress. It’s still hard, raw and emotional. But there’s a beauty about it. You get to see that writer in a different way. It’s almost like they show just how human they can really be.

And hey, I’m human.

Stay classy and sassy

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New Year, New Goals

Hello 2018! So since my last post was about reflecting, I thought I would take a moment to also look ahead.

What am I hoping to achieve in 2018?

Well:

  • Lose 30 pounds (so cliché, I know)
  • Finish a story
  • Write more poetry
  • Hit 50% mark of a complete GameCube collection
  • Hit 30 Etsy sales (You can find my shop here)
  • Create 1 new full page of products in my Etsy shop
  • Consistently blog and create content
  • Create a Twitch streaming schedule and consistently stream
  • Consistently work out regularly

I feel like all of these are good and attainable goals for 2018.

To get started with my list of goals I’m going to end with a poem:

Fresh snow;

Untouched,

Newly settled.

So much promise.

Perhaps it’ll become a snowman?

A snow angel?

A fort?

Ammo for a snowball fight?

All this potential,

All these ideas,

It all starts with new beginnings.

#

Stay classy and sassy

Thoughts

“I’m not ready.”

Yet I never will be.

“It’s not fair.”

Then again it never is.

“I’ll never adjust.”

Suddenly, one day you do.

“I never asked for this.”

No one ever does, but you deal.

“I’ll never forget.”

And I don’t, though I do forgive.

#

Looks like poetry is making a comeback from me.

❤ Stay classy and sassy

Change

Enjoy another poem.

Hello guys!

I wrote another poem. Such a surprise right? Nope. Not at all. Here it is:

Change.

Sometimes I’m aware its happening

Other times I’m oblivious.

But regardless I’m always patient.

Biding my time

Being understanding

When all I actually want to do is

Scream, shout, yell.

Tell things to stop. To stay the same or go back to how they were.

I’m not ready for it.

I don’t want it.

And yet,

It happens.

Things change.

And I’m still here;

Being patient,

Understanding,

And trying to make the best of it.

#

Okay, so I wrote this for so many different reasons and things and I want it to stay that way. To stay vague.

So I won’t comment on it too much or expand on my thoughts when writing it because I don’t want to take away from the beauty that it is with how it can be applied to so many specific things as well as broad and generic ideas.

Hope you enjoyed it. It felt good to get out.

Love you guys.

Stay classy and sassy like always.

My heart is so full yet so empty.

Feeling emotional, trying to get some of it out.

Hello guys.

I have been sitting here. Looking at my screen for the past hour. Trying so desperately to find the words to create what I want to say. What I’m feeling and wanting to get across. But I can’t. I have written words and deleted words over and over. And this was the best I could come up with to express everything that I’m feeling:

You are a part of everything that I write,

Everything I imagine,

Everything I create.

You’ve become such a part of me, my soul, who I am.

I am beyond grateful to know you.

Beyond blessed for how you inspire me.

How I have changed for the better because of you.

Words will never describe how I feel about you,

But thank you for all that you are to me.

#

And then I also wrote:

Life is way too short;

Unfortunately I’ve learned that far too much in the past few weeks.

So forgive if I hold on a bit tighter, a bit longer.

I apologize if I check in with you more than you think I should.

I just want to know from now on that I’ve done everything that I can,

And I have less regrets with friendships,

I can’t take much more of the heartache knowing I should and could’ve done more.

Just know it’s all out of love.

Because I love you.

Always have.

Always will.

#

My heart hurts but yet it is full. Full of hope. Full of love. Full of so many things. It hurts for others and myself. It hurts because of the unknown. Because of so many things. I just needed to get some of it out. Somehow. Any way. And this is what I got. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope it helps. You, me, anyone.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3

 

Whole

More poetry FTW!

Hello guys! Happy Monday!!

So I’m going to share another poem with you guys. Surprise there! 😛

I’ve been on a roll lately with the poetry and I’m super proud of it.

Especially because, believe it or not, I have never been into poetry. Never really enjoyed it, both reading or writing it. And I never thought of myself to be good at writing it. Not that I think I’m all that great at it now. Some pieces are definitely better than others but I love them all. And I love that I have evolved as a writer. Whether you guys can actually see that or not. Probably not yet at least.

Now enough rambling. Here she is:

I was holding on for so long.

Longer than I should have.

But I let go.

I’ve grown so much since then.

Become so much stronger,

Happier,

Better.

But I can’t help and feel like I’m missing a part of myself.

I don’t miss who I was then.

I don’t miss you.

I just miss feeling whole,

Complete,

Full.

#

Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t target towards a single person. I was inspired by how I’ve been feeling lately. By lots of people and things. Any great friendship or relationship you really give a part of yourself to that person and once it goes south it’s a struggle to get it back, if ever.

Stay classy and sassy<3

 

Complaints

Read it all, it gets better than the title. Promise.

We did it!

We have made it through another week! Now for the fun times! The weekend! Oh I am so excited. So many plans. So much to do. And I’ll probably do about less than half of it. 😛

So today I want to share another poem I wrote! I hope you guys enjoy it:

Complaints.

I hear them all day.

At work.

At home.

From friends,

Parents,

Coworkers,

Acquaintances,

Strangers,

Everyone.

Even I do it.

But why?

Are we really that miserable?

Why are we not supposed to like work?

Why is it socially acceptable to complain?

Why is it expected?

Why are we being so unhappy in what we do?

Why?

To think,

People find it easier to complain than do anything about it.

That finding the positive in something negative is looked at as being strange.

Why?

#

Okay.

Let’s talk about this one.

I wrote this in a heat. I was mad and frustrated. So it’s funny, I heard people complain all day at my previous job when I worked with the general public every day but the complaining didn’t bother me as much as it does now. That’s probably because of my attitude and mood towards things myself because as we all know, misery loves company! Or maybe it’s something else. Who knows. I don’t.

Well I’ve been attempting to take a different approach. To be more positive. To take a negative and put a positive spin on it for myself and others. Am I always successful? No. Sometimes I fail and sit down and complain myself. But I’m trying and that’s what matters. It gets better every single day.

And you know what happens?

People look at me strangely. Like I’m the weird one. Uh. NO. Sorry. I’m not the weird one. You happen to be. Sorry. But why are we being miserable WHEN WE CAN BE HAPPY AND CHANGE IT?! That’s what I want to do. Be happy. And spread happiness. And the more that I do this at work, the more people notice and the more infectious it is.

We can be the change we want to see in others. As long as it is about attitudes. We can spread happiness and joy. Complain less, smile more!

Enjoy your weekends! Do fun things! And be sure to spread joy wherever you go. Most importantly though, stay classy and sassy<3