Lost in Thought

Sharing some thoughts from last night

Last night as I had YouTube aimlessly playing music in the background of me getting some stuff done around my room, it was randomly playing song after song. I soon found myself “rabbit holing” to some real throwbacks of my teenage years. I stopped to listen and really hear the lyrics to some of my favorite tunes from my past. The lyrics caught me by surprise to some of the songs. My younger self hadn’t truly listened or understood much of what the artist was singing about.

Now I do. And oh how I can relate now. These songs and subject matter really struck a chord with me and immediately got me thinking about myself, my life and my choices so far.

At first I was thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made. But I stopped myself. That word, mistakes. I don’t feel like it should be a word, at least not one to be used to describe past choices in one’s life. Every choice or action I made and make serves a purpose. I might not like the outcome of that choice or action I make but if I didn’t make that choice or do that action I wouldn’t be right where I am today.

And I like where I am today. Honestly it takes a lot of strength, understanding and patience to say that.

Let me put it into a bit of perspective for you. I am 24 years old and I live at home with my family again after previously living on my own. I’m also divorced. My marriage lasted less than a year and I was left with a lot of feelings and emotions after my marriage ended. Now I won’t get into all of that, but last night I was thinking about my marriage and divorce, I was thinking about how it was a bigĀ mistake.

In reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was meant to happen to teach me so much about myself, about others, about love and about relationships.

Plus if I hadn’t chosen to do it, I wouldn’t have Mathew or my career or some of the best friends I am blessed to have now. I also doubt I would have my blog or my Etsy shop if I hadn’t had my marriage and divorce. I just know that I definitely wouldn’t have the appreciation for everything that I do now.

This is all a good and helpful reminder that everything really does happen for a reason. I am understanding and accepting of my choices. I am happy I went through my marriage and my divorces. As weird as that sounds.

I just need to remind myself of this from time to time.

So remember, no mistakes, only purpose.

This isn’t to say we can’t change choices or mend broken things. We can. We will.

Stay classy and sassy<3

 

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Realizations and Pep Talks

Lately I have been starting projects both writing and others but I can’t seem to finish any of them and I’ve been really thinking about that more than usual. I think it stems from my ramblings last week. I feel like lately I’ve been starting things and not finishing them more than ever before.

So why?

I guess one reason is that I just have too many ideas sometimes. Once I start getting an idea or I am in the creative zone it’s just one idea after another often times. I’m afraid that they’re going to get lost and disappear and be gone forever when that happens so I write them down as quickly as I can and as many of them as I can. I always tell myself I’ll come back to them but then I don’t more often than not…

But the bigger reason is fear. There are so many what ifs I have. Part of this whole process is learning and improving and just doing. That doesn’t erase that underlying fear though. I shouldn’t care about any negativity that I get. It’s all constructive (even when the party doesn’t intend it to be). I need to keep doing and keep going and not continue being so hard on myself. I know that I am my biggest critic and I know that I’m the one that’s hardest on myself. It’s okay to not like every single thing that I make. That’s why I can try again. But it’s also why I need to learn to listen to others feedback on my work because I might be blind and too hard on myself to see how it really is.

I also need to stop making excused and just keep going.

The biggest sufferer in all of this is my writing. I have started so many stories and just walked away.

So I’m going to stop making excuses.

And let’s start working on them. Together.

Stay classy and sassy<3

Random Ramblings

Reflecting on the random things on my mind.

Hey everyone! I hope you all are well on this dreary, cold and wet Monday!

So everyone, I feel, that has started a project of pretty much any kind has had times where they just walk away from it. Abandon it or just take some time apart from it.

My question is what do you do? Just leave it together sitting where you left it? Find a home to tuck it away for if and when you decide to return to it? Do you destroy it because you feel like that day may never come?

Now, don’t worry, I’m not planning on abandoning my blog. I quite like my blog, though I struggle with it at times. I’m just curious because I had a project I was working on for a friend and I now have no desire to keep up with it. I don’t feel like I have the same feelings and emotions now that I did when I started it. So do I keep it? Do I toss it? I just am so uncertain. I put a good amount of time into the project but I just don’t think I’ll ever get back to it.

Funny how feelings can change so quickly, isn’t it?

Or more realistically, you realize things can never be how they once were. With anything.

But I guess that’s more a blessing than anything else. More often than not, it helps me at least learn from what has happened. It helps me evolve and grow as an individual. But it also just doesn’t take away that pain and realization that things aren’t going to be the same and I’m just going to miss them.

Here I am though. keep chugging along and pushing forward. Grasping on to the things I can for the time that I can hold on to them until time propels me forward and I lose my grip causing me to adapt to what’s new around me.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3