Change

Enjoy another poem.

Hello guys!

I wrote another poem. Such a surprise right? Nope. Not at all. Here it is:

Change.

Sometimes I’m aware its happening

Other times I’m oblivious.

But regardless I’m always patient.

Biding my time

Being understanding

When all I actually want to do is

Scream, shout, yell.

Tell things to stop. To stay the same or go back to how they were.

I’m not ready for it.

I don’t want it.

And yet,

It happens.

Things change.

And I’m still here;

Being patient,

Understanding,

And trying to make the best of it.

#

Okay, so I wrote this for so many different reasons and things and I want it to stay that way. To stay vague.

So I won’t comment on it too much or expand on my thoughts when writing it because I don’t want to take away from the beauty that it is with how it can be applied to so many specific things as well as broad and generic ideas.

Hope you enjoyed it. It felt good to get out.

Love you guys.

Stay classy and sassy like always.

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Reflections

Reflecting on scary things.

Hello guys and welcome back!

It’s Friday the 13th! In October! Oooh. How spooky. 😛

So today, is another super emotional day for me where I’m just sitting here trying to get things out. But I can’t. I don’t want to give the things that terrify me any more power over me than they already do. And I feel like if I write about them in the way that I’m feeling about them right now, I will.

Funny how that is right? Writing is this release to let it all out and make you feel better when the emotions get to be too much but I also find that it’s a super fine line as well. Where writing it down and especially sharing it with others can sometimes make that hold on you stronger and more real.

Which is honestly what I’m trying to avoid. I have worked so incredibly hard to not let the things I fear and I am terrified of take over me. I have worked so hard to have some control over them.

But at the same time, writing about them also gives me the strength and fuels me with anger to not let them have too much control.

I don’t want to run away anymore. But I also don’t want to run around looking for the things that scare me and give me terror. I will face it head on from now on though.

I’m tired of given them power. For now, I have the power.

Stay classy and sassy.

 

 

My heart is so full yet so empty.

Feeling emotional, trying to get some of it out.

Hello guys.

I have been sitting here. Looking at my screen for the past hour. Trying so desperately to find the words to create what I want to say. What I’m feeling and wanting to get across. But I can’t. I have written words and deleted words over and over. And this was the best I could come up with to express everything that I’m feeling:

You are a part of everything that I write,

Everything I imagine,

Everything I create.

You’ve become such a part of me, my soul, who I am.

I am beyond grateful to know you.

Beyond blessed for how you inspire me.

How I have changed for the better because of you.

Words will never describe how I feel about you,

But thank you for all that you are to me.

#

And then I also wrote:

Life is way too short;

Unfortunately I’ve learned that far too much in the past few weeks.

So forgive if I hold on a bit tighter, a bit longer.

I apologize if I check in with you more than you think I should.

I just want to know from now on that I’ve done everything that I can,

And I have less regrets with friendships,

I can’t take much more of the heartache knowing I should and could’ve done more.

Just know it’s all out of love.

Because I love you.

Always have.

Always will.

#

My heart hurts but yet it is full. Full of hope. Full of love. Full of so many things. It hurts for others and myself. It hurts because of the unknown. Because of so many things. I just needed to get some of it out. Somehow. Any way. And this is what I got. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope it helps. You, me, anyone.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3

 

Whole

More poetry FTW!

Hello guys! Happy Monday!!

So I’m going to share another poem with you guys. Surprise there! 😛

I’ve been on a roll lately with the poetry and I’m super proud of it.

Especially because, believe it or not, I have never been into poetry. Never really enjoyed it, both reading or writing it. And I never thought of myself to be good at writing it. Not that I think I’m all that great at it now. Some pieces are definitely better than others but I love them all. And I love that I have evolved as a writer. Whether you guys can actually see that or not. Probably not yet at least.

Now enough rambling. Here she is:

I was holding on for so long.

Longer than I should have.

But I let go.

I’ve grown so much since then.

Become so much stronger,

Happier,

Better.

But I can’t help and feel like I’m missing a part of myself.

I don’t miss who I was then.

I don’t miss you.

I just miss feeling whole,

Complete,

Full.

#

Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t target towards a single person. I was inspired by how I’ve been feeling lately. By lots of people and things. Any great friendship or relationship you really give a part of yourself to that person and once it goes south it’s a struggle to get it back, if ever.

Stay classy and sassy<3

 

Forgotten

Poetry time!

Hello guys!

In the spirit of being back to writing again here’s a little poem I wrote:

Each day passes

Your memory fading from others

Soon they’ll forget what you did,

Who you were,

That you mattered in their life.

I always think I’ve prepared myself for it.

Until it actually happens.

It always cuts deep.

Did they really forget?

Is it easier for them to just let it all go?

Did they mean more to me than I did them?

I guess I should just be thankful for my memories and experiences.

Whether they remember me or not.

But it still hurts…

#

This is something I think about all the time. Especially with being blessed/cursed with a good memory. I almost always remember people and the time that I spent with them. And it seems like they’re so quick to forget. Especially people you worked with or even spent a lot of time with in school or just in general. I’m always curious about if they’re just playing that they forgot or did I just make such a small mark on their life that it’s just wiped from their memory. And honestly? The thought of that hurts. Not to say that I make a significant impact on every single person that I meet but I think that everyone that I have met or spent any sort of time with has an impact on me. Big or small. They help shape who I am and who I become.

I guess it all comes down to, I want to make an impact on someone. And I want to know I’ve made that impact.

That’s a big reason of why I write.

Until Friday,

Stay classy and sassy<3

I AM BACK! Maybe. Hopefully.

Powered through my block!

Hello guys!

It’s another Monday! woo. Yeah I’m actually not too excited for this Monday either. Meh.

So most of this weekend I spent annoyed and frustrated. At just about everything. My mood was terrible and I couldn’t get out of it. I think a lot of it had to do with my creative block. Especially my writer’s block. It plagued me for most of the weekend.

I spent all day Sunday trying different things to get out of it.

Writing. Coloring. Drawing. Everything was not going how I wanted it to go. Actually it was going worse that how I wanted it to go.

It wasn’t until last night that I started listening to music and thinking about what I was listening to. Most of it was pretty mindless but slowly I started getting into the deeper meaning songs that I enjoy. And I came up with this:

Apologies.

They’re some of the hardest words to say and even harder to get from others.

You finally find the words. The strength. And you say,

I’m sorry.

Sometimes its not enough.

So you search for different words, the right words, and even gestures to show another how truly remorseful you feel for whatever you did or say that hurt them in the first place.

So you find them and again you say,

I’m sorry.

But it’s still not enough.

They walk away. Leaving you behind. Never looking back. And you say,

I’m sorry.

You’re pleading for them to stay. Or at least look back at you.

They keep going. And you whisper,

I’m sorry.

#

I absolutely love this one. So so much.

I think it captures how truly heartbreaking it is to hurt another and have them never forgive you. I also think it really captures how hard it is to be the one that’s been hurt and how difficult it is to make the decision to walk away.

I’m so happy with how this piece turned out, you guys. I wasn’t going to give up on pushing through this block. I’m just so ecstatic that it only lasted a few days! Yes!

The support I felt was amazing and thank you.

Stay classy and sassy. ❤

The Dreaded Day…

Musings about Mondays!

Hello and welcome back!

It’s the start of another week. The dreaded Monday…

Do you guys all dread Mondays? I actually don’t mind them anymore since switching jobs. It’s Sundays that I hate the most. Just because it means the end of the weekend, Mathew goes to work, one of us leaves (depending on who visited who) so I just don’t like them. Nope. Mondays I like though. Call me crazy if you must.

But hey. We all made it through. It’s Monday evening! Ha! Take that Monday!

You ever just think about your dreaded day of the week like some mid-level (or high-level, depending on your impending dread for it) boss? And you are the hero using everything you have in your arsenal to drain the boss and take it down. Like depending on your line of work, those are your weapons. So for me, I work in an office. On the computer all day. My computer skills are like my magic. Correct key strokes are charging up my spell making it stronger and stronger. And once I finish an item? That’s when I deliver my blow. Always causing way less damage than I thought I would. But it never stops me. I keep it up! But doing things like walking away from my desk on non-break times and texting are like the boss’ attacks back. Sometimes my defenses are strong and other times they’re weak. Working with my coworkers to find a solution to a problem (whether mine or someone else’s) is like a co-op moment where I called for help and help came, but only for a brief moment. So I work my way through my day delivering blow after blow slowly chipping away at the boss’ HP hoping I bring it to zero by my work day’s end.

Now that I say this anyone else ever think about your day this way? No? Yeah, me either…

Stay classy and sassy ❤