Lost in Thought

Sharing some thoughts from last night

Last night as I had YouTube aimlessly playing music in the background of me getting some stuff done around my room, it was randomly playing song after song. I soon found myself “rabbit holing” to some real throwbacks of my teenage years. I stopped to listen and really hear the lyrics to some of my favorite tunes from my past. The lyrics caught me by surprise to some of the songs. My younger self hadn’t truly listened or understood much of what the artist was singing about.

Now I do. And oh how I can relate now. These songs and subject matter really struck a chord with me and immediately got me thinking about myself, my life and my choices so far.

At first I was thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made. But I stopped myself. That word, mistakes. I don’t feel like it should be a word, at least not one to be used to describe past choices in one’s life. Every choice or action I made and make serves a purpose. I might not like the outcome of that choice or action I make but if I didn’t make that choice or do that action I wouldn’t be right where I am today.

And I like where I am today. Honestly it takes a lot of strength, understanding and patience to say that.

Let me put it into a bit of perspective for you. I am 24 years old and I live at home with my family again after previously living on my own. I’m also divorced. My marriage lasted less than a year and I was left with a lot of feelings and emotions after my marriage ended. Now I won’t get into all of that, but last night I was thinking about my marriage and divorce, I was thinking about how it was a big mistake.

In reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was meant to happen to teach me so much about myself, about others, about love and about relationships.

Plus if I hadn’t chosen to do it, I wouldn’t have Mathew or my career or some of the best friends I am blessed to have now. I also doubt I would have my blog or my Etsy shop if I hadn’t had my marriage and divorce. I just know that I definitely wouldn’t have the appreciation for everything that I do now.

This is all a good and helpful reminder that everything really does happen for a reason. I am understanding and accepting of my choices. I am happy I went through my marriage and my divorces. As weird as that sounds.

I just need to remind myself of this from time to time.

So remember, no mistakes, only purpose.

This isn’t to say we can’t change choices or mend broken things. We can. We will.

Stay classy and sassy<3

 

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Random Ramblings

Reflecting on the random things on my mind.

Hey everyone! I hope you all are well on this dreary, cold and wet Monday!

So everyone, I feel, that has started a project of pretty much any kind has had times where they just walk away from it. Abandon it or just take some time apart from it.

My question is what do you do? Just leave it together sitting where you left it? Find a home to tuck it away for if and when you decide to return to it? Do you destroy it because you feel like that day may never come?

Now, don’t worry, I’m not planning on abandoning my blog. I quite like my blog, though I struggle with it at times. I’m just curious because I had a project I was working on for a friend and I now have no desire to keep up with it. I don’t feel like I have the same feelings and emotions now that I did when I started it. So do I keep it? Do I toss it? I just am so uncertain. I put a good amount of time into the project but I just don’t think I’ll ever get back to it.

Funny how feelings can change so quickly, isn’t it?

Or more realistically, you realize things can never be how they once were. With anything.

But I guess that’s more a blessing than anything else. More often than not, it helps me at least learn from what has happened. It helps me evolve and grow as an individual. But it also just doesn’t take away that pain and realization that things aren’t going to be the same and I’m just going to miss them.

Here I am though. keep chugging along and pushing forward. Grasping on to the things I can for the time that I can hold on to them until time propels me forward and I lose my grip causing me to adapt to what’s new around me.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3

Change

Enjoy another poem.

Hello guys!

I wrote another poem. Such a surprise right? Nope. Not at all. Here it is:

Change.

Sometimes I’m aware its happening

Other times I’m oblivious.

But regardless I’m always patient.

Biding my time

Being understanding

When all I actually want to do is

Scream, shout, yell.

Tell things to stop. To stay the same or go back to how they were.

I’m not ready for it.

I don’t want it.

And yet,

It happens.

Things change.

And I’m still here;

Being patient,

Understanding,

And trying to make the best of it.

#

Okay, so I wrote this for so many different reasons and things and I want it to stay that way. To stay vague.

So I won’t comment on it too much or expand on my thoughts when writing it because I don’t want to take away from the beauty that it is with how it can be applied to so many specific things as well as broad and generic ideas.

Hope you enjoyed it. It felt good to get out.

Love you guys.

Stay classy and sassy like always.

Reflections

Reflecting on scary things.

Hello guys and welcome back!

It’s Friday the 13th! In October! Oooh. How spooky. 😛

So today, is another super emotional day for me where I’m just sitting here trying to get things out. But I can’t. I don’t want to give the things that terrify me any more power over me than they already do. And I feel like if I write about them in the way that I’m feeling about them right now, I will.

Funny how that is right? Writing is this release to let it all out and make you feel better when the emotions get to be too much but I also find that it’s a super fine line as well. Where writing it down and especially sharing it with others can sometimes make that hold on you stronger and more real.

Which is honestly what I’m trying to avoid. I have worked so incredibly hard to not let the things I fear and I am terrified of take over me. I have worked so hard to have some control over them.

But at the same time, writing about them also gives me the strength and fuels me with anger to not let them have too much control.

I don’t want to run away anymore. But I also don’t want to run around looking for the things that scare me and give me terror. I will face it head on from now on though.

I’m tired of given them power. For now, I have the power.

Stay classy and sassy.

 

 

My heart is so full yet so empty.

Feeling emotional, trying to get some of it out.

Hello guys.

I have been sitting here. Looking at my screen for the past hour. Trying so desperately to find the words to create what I want to say. What I’m feeling and wanting to get across. But I can’t. I have written words and deleted words over and over. And this was the best I could come up with to express everything that I’m feeling:

You are a part of everything that I write,

Everything I imagine,

Everything I create.

You’ve become such a part of me, my soul, who I am.

I am beyond grateful to know you.

Beyond blessed for how you inspire me.

How I have changed for the better because of you.

Words will never describe how I feel about you,

But thank you for all that you are to me.

#

And then I also wrote:

Life is way too short;

Unfortunately I’ve learned that far too much in the past few weeks.

So forgive if I hold on a bit tighter, a bit longer.

I apologize if I check in with you more than you think I should.

I just want to know from now on that I’ve done everything that I can,

And I have less regrets with friendships,

I can’t take much more of the heartache knowing I should and could’ve done more.

Just know it’s all out of love.

Because I love you.

Always have.

Always will.

#

My heart hurts but yet it is full. Full of hope. Full of love. Full of so many things. It hurts for others and myself. It hurts because of the unknown. Because of so many things. I just needed to get some of it out. Somehow. Any way. And this is what I got. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope it helps. You, me, anyone.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3

 

Friday Reflection

My thoughts on the last couple weeks.

Hello guys and welcome back!

So Fridays seem to be one of my most difficult days to publish lately. It’s hard to get myself to just sit down and write and post. The easy fix, I know is to do it ahead of time and just schedule when my posts are going to go up but I’m not quite there yet in the productivity department 😉

I think today would be a good day to just reflect on the last couple weeks, especially since I have myself sitting down and writing. For now. 😛

Today marked the end of my second week in my new job. So was I too soon in saying how happy I was and how much I loved it? Nope. Not at all. I fortunately am working for the same company I was before but in a completely different department. It’s exciting. A very much needed change and a welcomed change of pace. My hours are set for the first time in quite a while. I have weekends off, every single weekend. Now that is something I am trying to get used to! The work is great. I feel like I have a lot of power to make changes and help the company as well as others but at the same time very little power. It’s weird, I know. But that’s the best way I can explain it without saying what I do for a living. Which I won’t, for personal reasons 🙂 But I really enjoy the people I work for and work with. I feel that I’m already fitting in and I’m beyond happy every single day that I leave work. Which is just the best feeling ever. That and the added energy that I have.

Enough about that.

So the other night I had the absolute pleasure of getting together with a lot of the people that I used to work with in Dayton. Now I don’t think we have all ever been in the same place at the same time ever. But like 95% of us finally got together and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. Now these people were my family for 3 years and I am also lucky enough to call them my friends. Being able to catch up with one another and relive the “glory” days was the best. They are some of the most beautiful souls I have had the pleasure of meeting and working both for and with. I would share the amazing picture we took but I want the also respect their privacy of not being plastered on my blog ;P

Overall I just feel a relief in the last couple of weeks. A relief from a lot of the burden I felt that I had been carrying. A relief from the sadness and anxiety I had been struck with. A relief from the stress that had been plaguing me.

I also have been feeling incredibly humbled and blessed with everything I have been able to experience, do, achieve, and have in the last couple weeks as well as in general. It’s funny how when you’re going through it a lot of the time, I know myself is guilty of this always, but we can’t appreciate or understand it. Once it’s passed us by that’s when we realize it wasn’t that bad or it really was greater than we thought, etc. I know that I realized that about the “crap” I had been going through before this life change.

Which is why I think it’s important that I’m reflecting on it.

To put it out there for myself and others, both going through it with me or going through their own. Always reflect and be open and honest about it. You may completely surprise yourself, I know I have.

Stay classy and sassy guys<3