Desire (WIP)

I know I said I would get into my time off more in detail but I’ve been finding it difficult to find the right words to articulate what I’m exactly trying to say and have come across. So that is coming. It’s just a work in progress.

However, I’ve been feeling the poetry bug lately. So I wanted to share one that I’m happy with how it’s turned out so far.

I have all these things I want to try,

To accomplish,

To do.

I take steps forward to try.

Small steps.

But that’s when the anxiety creeps in;

“They’ll make fun of you. You’re not good enough. Do you really know how? Do you actually have the time? The drive? Are you skills good enough? Do you have the right stuff?”

These thoughts pull me down.

Quickly snuffing out the fire of any desire I once had.

Not even letting it catch to let it start to blaze within me.

And so I’m left with the same routine.

Doing the same things day in and day out.

What happened to trying? What happened to pushing? What happened to just doing?

What happened to me? When did I change? Where did the person I know go?

 

I hope to find her again.

To let the desire catch and burn, letting nothing stand in it’s way.

#

It’s a little all over the place but the idea is there. I just need to work on getting it more together to flush it out even more. Considering it’s my first poem since I decided to first take my break, I’m proud of it. Sharing what you write is incredibly raw and emotional. It’s hard. But there’s something different about sharing a work in progress. It’s still hard, raw and emotional. But there’s a beauty about it. You get to see that writer in a different way. It’s almost like they show just how human they can really be.

And hey, I’m human.

Stay classy and sassy

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Slipping Back in to Writing, Slowly

Finally working on some writing!

Today I thought I would try and do some writing since it’s been awhile and I’m honestly trying to get back into the groove of normal. I took a look again at a story I abandoned some time ago and wrote some more to it.

In bold is what I already wrote in a previous post and everything not in bold are the new additions to the story. Enjoy!:

There are doctors and nurses whirling around Lucy as she sits in her hospital gown on a hospital gurney with her parents on either side of her in the emergency room. She shakes ever so slightly under her thin gown both from the chill in the hospital to keep germs from multiplying and from her fear of being in hospitals. Lucy didn’t want to come to the hospital, she would much rather be sitting in her room, being alone and pretending she doesn’t exist to the rest of the world. Her parents on the other hand thought differently and carted her off to the emergency room.

Lucy was deeply bothered by the fact that she wasn’t even waiting to be seen in one of the curtained off rooms, rather she was in a hallway, able to see everything coming in and out of the various areas in the emergency room floor. At one point a prison inmate dressed in his prison orange was wheeled by cuffed to the gurney with gun-toting correction officers on either side of the inmate. After Lucy saw a very bloodied woman quickly rushed past by EMT workers she turned to her mother and said, “can’t we go home? Obviously they’re pretty busy with other things. I doubt they’ll even have time to come see me.”

“Lucy, sweetie, it hasn’t be that long. I’m sure they’ll be with us soon,” said Lucy’s mother, Anna.

As Lucy let out a sigh of exasperation a professionally dressed woman with a notepad approached Lucy and her parents, “Lucy? Hi, I’m Dr. Fulson. Do you mind if I talk with you for a couple minutes?”

Lucy looks at both of her parents with confusion but searching for confirmation in their faces. “Go ahead sweet girl, we’ll be right here waiting for you when you come back,” said Lucy’s father, Joe.

“Okay, I guess we can talk,” said Lucy, confusion apparent in her voice.

Dr. Fulson smiled and offered her hand out to help Lucy up off the gurney. “Let’s go find somewhere a little more quiet and private. This hallway isn’t the best for chatting.”

Lucy shrugs off the offer of the helpful hand and hops off the gurney waiting to follow the doctor. Lucy can feel her frustration increasing because no one in explaining anything to her; why she is there, what Dr. Fulson is a doctor of, why she is still hanging out in a hallway, why she is supposed to go with Dr. Fulson and many more questions. Dr. Fulson leads the way, careful to walk at a slow enough pace that Lucy is able to keep up while navigating through all the equipment and through hustle of the emergency room traffic.

~~~

“Are we done now, Dr. Fulson? I would really like to get back to my parents, and I’m tired of answering the same questions rephrased.” said Lucy after what seemed like a 45 minutes of talking.

“Lucy, I wish you would just relax. I’m just trying to understand what’s going on and how we can help you here. But yes, I’m done with the questions, let’s get going,” Dr. Fulson said as she stood up.

“Finally.” Lucy practically jumped up. and followed Dr. Fulson out in to the hall. She was just looking forward to be back with her parents. There was something about the doctor that was giving Lucy a strange feeling, but she shrugged it off with the calm thought that she would soon be back with her mom and dad.

The more long and winding hallways with many different turns the two took, the less Lucy was convinced Dr. Fulson was really taking her back to her parents. The more turns and doorways they went through the less confident Lucy was she could even get back to the office they had talked in, let alone the emergency room.

“Uh, hey Dr. Fulson, I don’t think we’re going the right way,” Lucy said as they went through yet another double door way.

Dr. Fulson just turned around and smiled in response. She quickly turned back around and waved to a passing doctor.

It was amazing how each and every hallway looked exactly the same; no decor or signs giving away where they might be in hospital. “Where are we going then? Where are my parents,” Lucy asked stopping in the middle of the hallway.

Dr. Fulson stopped and turned around slowly to face Lucy. “They’ll meet us soon enough. Don’t worry, Lucy. We’re almost there, anyhow. Come along,” Dr. Fulson said turning back around and continuing down the hall.

Lucy reluctantly followed the doctor, feeling more uneasy with each step she took. The pair took another turn down yet another hall and as they walked halfway down this hall that looked exactly like every other one they went down, Dr. Fulson stopped at a blank looking door on their right. She raised her key card to the panel next to door and heard it beep. Dr. Fulson swung the door open, with what seemed to be a great amount of effort, the door making loud, eerie creaks as it opened. It seemed that this door wasn’t used much. “After you, Lucy,” the doctor said with a very toothy grin.

“Where are we,” Lucy asked, trying to peek her head in to get a look without committing to entering the room.

“This is where we’re meeting your parents. We all need to have a talk, together. Don’t keep them waiting, sweetie.”

Lucy stood still and looked at Dr. Fulson with a lot of confusion and apprehension. “I thought you said they’d be here after us,” Lucy said slowly.

The doctor grasped Lucy’s arm tightly and pulled her through the doorway.

#

Stay classy and sassy

Working on Jane’s Story

Keeping my word. Let’s see what Jane does next!

Last week I gave myself a pep talk about how I was going to keep on working on all those projects I abandon out of fear so today I’m going to stick to it. I want to continue to work on Jane’s second story seeing where the writing takes me and what happens.

I think what’s great about this is, unlike Jane’s first story, this work in progress is completely unedited. It’s all a rough first draft. I’m excited to have a documented journey of my work from beginning to end, seeing how it changes and shapes up.

So to keep things cohesive for me, I think I’m going to copy and paste what I already have making what I have already worked on and not changed appear in bold.

Last but not least, before I get to the good stuff, if you haven’t read Jane’s first story; Tales of a Chronic Crocheter, you can find it here, here, and here.

Let’s go!:

Jane Woodsley jolts up in her bed in a cold sweat trying to get away from the dream she just shook herself from. You’re okay, she told herself, it was just a dream. You haven’t seen him in a few months and never will again. Jane got up from her bed and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water to help her calm down. Though the water helps, Jane still cannot quite get control of her breathing and looks at the clock, its 2:17 a.m. Far too late to call Amanda so she can help calm Jane down. If Jane could call her, Amanda’d tell her the same thing Amanda was always telling her lately; that it’s been months since her bad date with Richard, she needs to get over it and move on. Jane can’t let it haunt her so much. Amanda was right, she should be over it by now but the date keeps haunting her every few nights and in her dreams Jane finds herself on another date with Richard but this time unable to escape him.

Jane makes her way into the living room in search of her afghan that she’s been working on. She finds her work on the end of the couch, right where she left it. Jane curls up on the couch and starts crocheting, focusing on every stitch she makes, hoping it will calm her down. As she is nearing the gray stripe of what will be her blue and gray chevron afghan Jane lets her mind wonder and soon finds herself day dreaming about dating again. Jane had sworn off dating but after pretty much being holed up in her apartment for the last four months she misses the idea of enjoying dinner and the company of a man. Soon Jane falls asleep on the couch, her day dreams turning into dreams. She finds herself in a nice restaurant downtown sitting across from a gorgeous man with chocolate brown hair and deep blue eyes. The date seems to be going well so far, Jane can’t take her eyes off her date and her date won’t stop looking at Jane either. The conversation is flowing easily, talking about hobbies and interests outside of work. “Jane, tell me, what do you usually do with your time outside of work,” asks Jane’s date.

“Oh, well I really enjoy making crafts,” Jane says shyly.

“Really? What kind of crafts? Do you have any pictures of anything you’ve made?”

“I do a lot of crocheting. Blankets, pillows, scarves, hats, sweaters, that sort of thing. I have some pictures on my phone if you really want to see them.”

“Crocheting? Is that the one with the two hooks and you use yarn right? That’s really cool, Jane. I would love to see some of your work.”

“Okay.” Jane pulls her phone out and looks for photos. “Crocheting is the one needle, really a hook, technique. Knitting is where you use two needles. But both do use yarn, so you were close,” Jane gives her date a big smile and hands him her phone.

Jane’s date returns the smile and says, “Oh dang. Sorry. I guess I don’t know very much about it. Wow, Jane. These are amazing. You made these? Seriously? Wow, this is so good.”

Jane blushes and looks away from her date. “Thanks. I really appreciate that. I’ve been crocheting ever since I was a teenager. But what about you? What are your hobbies?”

“Well I enjoy volunteering in my free time. Helping out at animal shelters, helping the homeless shelters, after school programs, that sort of things. But when I’m not doing that I really enjoy reading.”

“That’s really selfless of you. How long have you been volunteering? And reading? What’s your favorite genre,” asks Jane.

Someone approaches their table, Jane’s date doesn’t seem to notice and keeps talking. Jane shifts her attention to who she assumes is the waiter but when Jane looks up she realizes it isn’t the waiter, it’s Richard. Jane freezes, not knowing what to do. “Hello Jane. Let’s continue our date elsewhere. It’s rude to leave someone in the middle of a date, you know,” says Richard as he grabs Jane’s wrist and pulls.

“Hey, stop that! I’m not going anywhere with you. And it’s rude to leave in the middle of a date? What about my date? Right now,” Jane yells. Jane hopes her outburst will get the attention of her date and the restaurant but no one notices. Jane’s date is continuing his conversation as if Jane is still right in front of him.

“Come on, Jane. It’s time to go,” Richard growls while pulling Jane out of her chair.

Jane falls out of her chair and starts screaming. Someone has to hear her. Someone has to help stop this guy from literally dragging her out of the restaurant. Again, no one notices.  Richard drags Jane through the restaurant and as they reach the door, Jane is able to grab on to the door frame with all her might, she still screaming.

“Jane, honestly, enough is enough. You’re going to behave and you’re going to come with me. It’s time to stop fighting this,” Richard says, like this isn’t out of the ordinary for him.

“No! I’m not going. Let me go,” Jane screams.

Richard gives a hard yank on Jane’s free arm and she loses her grip.

Jane jumps awake drenched in sweat. Jane looks around and is confused about where she is. Her breathing is very heavy and ragged as she frantically looks around. It takes her a few moments to realize she’s on her couch in her living room. Jane checks her watch and sees that it’s 7:09 a.m. She jumps off the couch and rushes into her bedroom. “Crap. I’m going to be late!”

#

Well there you have it. More of Jane! YAY!

I’m quite happy with how this is shaping out so far. I think I might end up moving the dream to the beginning to kind of revisit things and open the story a little better. I want to remind everyone about how much of an asshole and scary guy Richard really is while also making it clear that Jane’s fear of him is real.

I can’t wait to see what Jane does next 🙂

Stay classy and sassy!

Jane Woodsley Returns!

Rough start to a new Jane story!

Hello wonderful people! I hope everyone is doing quite well.

So I know that I have not been spending enough time writing lately, especially not enough time writing anything more than poems when my true and real love is writing stories.

I thought I would change that. I have been trying to spend quite a bit of time to find inspiration in things to make the writing easier as well as flow a lot more and I think I found that. Remember my Jane story? The one that I posted about here, here and here? Well I started to work on a follow-up story with her because it felt like her journey wasn’t quite over. I began the story and abandoned it not long after because of school and work and loads of other things. In finding my inspiration for writing I found a prompt that fueled me with inspiration to write more of her story. So I’m going to share with you guys the really rough draft I have written so far for Jane’s next adventure:

Jane Woodsley jolts up in her bed in a cold sweat trying to get away from the dream she just shook herself from. You’re okay, she told herself, it was just a dream. You haven’t seen him in a few months and never will again. Jane got up from her bed and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Though the water helps, Jane still cannot quite get control of her breathing and looks at the clock, its 2:17 a.m., too late to call Amanda to help calm her down, though even if she could call her Amanda’d tell her the same thing she was always telling her lately, that it’s been months since her bad date with Richard, she needs to get over it and move on. She can’t let it haunt her so much. And Amanda was right, she should be over it by now but the date keeps haunting her every few nights and in her dream Jane finds herself on another date with Richard but this time unable to escape him.

Jane makes her way into the living room in search of her afghan that she’s been working on. She finds her work on the end of the couch, right where she left it. Jane curls up on the couch and starts crocheting, focusing on every stitch she makes, hoping it will calm her down. As she ends the gray stripe of what will be her blue and gray chevron afghan Jane lets her mind wonder and soon finds herself day dreaming about dating again. Jane had sworn off dating but after pretty much being holed up in her apartment for the last four months she misses the idea of enjoying dinner and the company of a man.

#

I’m a little stuck for what exactly should unfold. I don’t want Jane going on another date from Hell with another crazy man because, I’ve already done that. But I would like to see Jane go on some more dates, some bad, some okay and then find a man. Of course Amanda needs to be involved, maybe double date, I don’t know for sure. But I would like to see Richard re-surface. Though the girls got away in Jane’s last story, he’s too crazy and over powering to just be gone. That’s definitely not Richard style.

Who knows. I just am stuck with this right now. The ideas and thoughts are there but to write them out and in story format, they’re not there. I will continue to work on this project with you all as well as my other story I started. I’m excited to see what unfolds and how these stories shape and form for you all.

Any feedback is appreciated!

Stay classy and sassy<3