Rough Waters Lead to a Calming Sea Eventually, Right?

Recapping the last few days

I hit a couple bumps in the road Monday and Tuesday. So why not get them out in the open?

So Monday I wasn’t feeling well because here in Ohio we went from winter weather to spring weather back to winter weather in a matter of days. It really hit my sinuses hard and I wasn’t feeling well Monday so I cancelled my psychologist appointment. I’m not happy that I did this at all but I couldn’t really stand the thought of leaving my room with a sinus migraine most of the day. But hey, there’s always next time. Which reminds me, I need to schedule a new appointment. 🙂

I’ve said before that I live with my parents and grandmother which isn’t the most ideal or worst living situation. With that being said, our home sits pretty far back on our lot, causing our driveway to be pretty long and mostly gravel. Well, over the weekend and in to yesterday, we got probably at least 6 inches of snow but no more than 7 or 8 inches. Well as you can imagine where this is going, one of us wound up off the driveway and stuck in the snow with our car. It was a mess and a nightmare but eventually we got the car out. (Thanks AAA) But helping with the car, the snow, and all of that cause me to hurt my back again.

In the last 6 months this is like the 2nd or 3rd time. Which is beyond frustrating to me and I just feel trapped in this cycle of okay, managing and hurt. It doesn’t help that my last two real experiences with chiropractors haven’t exactly been the most positive causing me to want to shy away from that kind of care. Plus the costs of most care, whether it be chiropractic, massage, etc., isn’t exactly cheap. But that’s a different tangent that I don’t need to go off on.

With the back pain, I stayed home from work Tuesday and just stayed in bed pretty much all day trying to nurse the pain away. And it definitely has helped. I’m also trying to be a little more active, working through the pain a bit to try and strengthen my back so this hopefully does not continue to happen and that it doesn’t continue to let me get so down and depressed about it.

Speaking of my depression (and my anxiety because those seem to go hand-in-hand), I tend to take a lot of it out by cleaning, and organizing. Since both have been quite a lot to deal with lately, I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning and a lot of organizing, to the point that I am slowly running out of things to organize and clean. To the point of, I have been organizing my thoughts and note taking methods. I now have a notebook for pretty much everything. I have one for my blog, my Etsy shop, my personal journal at home, my personal journal at work, I have one for work, and I have one for my personal writing. So with this new journal-craze, I have a lot of reshuffling and movements of notes, ideas, and works. I am happy to be re-writing all of this stuff because it really is helping light a new fire into some of my passions that I’ve just been slowly losing interest in.

Though it’s been a rough last couple of days and I’m in a place where it’s difficult to see/focus on the positive, I’m still putting my foot forward and letting the path take me where it may because in the end it’ll eventually lead me forward.

Stay classy and sassy.

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Realizations and Pep Talks

Lately I have been starting projects both writing and others but I can’t seem to finish any of them and I’ve been really thinking about that more than usual. I think it stems from my ramblings last week. I feel like lately I’ve been starting things and not finishing them more than ever before.

So why?

I guess one reason is that I just have too many ideas sometimes. Once I start getting an idea or I am in the creative zone it’s just one idea after another often times. I’m afraid that they’re going to get lost and disappear and be gone forever when that happens so I write them down as quickly as I can and as many of them as I can. I always tell myself I’ll come back to them but then I don’t more often than not…

But the bigger reason is fear. There are so many what ifs I have. Part of this whole process is learning and improving and just doing. That doesn’t erase that underlying fear though. I shouldn’t care about any negativity that I get. It’s all constructive (even when the party doesn’t intend it to be). I need to keep doing and keep going and not continue being so hard on myself. I know that I am my biggest critic and I know that I’m the one that’s hardest on myself. It’s okay to not like every single thing that I make. That’s why I can try again. But it’s also why I need to learn to listen to others feedback on my work because I might be blind and too hard on myself to see how it really is.

I also need to stop making excused and just keep going.

The biggest sufferer in all of this is my writing. I have started so many stories and just walked away.

So I’m going to stop making excuses.

And let’s start working on them. Together.

Stay classy and sassy<3